When I started playdates for my child with severe food and environmental allergies, I had friends over to our house only. I felt that I could control our environment while I couldn’t control the environment in other locations. Prior to other children coming over, I always reviewed the foods that were not permitted in our household (nuts, peanuts, eggs and peas.) I know my child missed out on many playdates without Mom because her friends’ parents were nervous about the responsibility of having her alone (which I completely understand) or because I was too scared. It was a momentous occasion when she was invited to her first friend playdate at a friend’s house without me staying the whole time. Ironically, this first play date was at a friends house who doesn’t even have a child with allergies. But, the mother had taken every precaution — didn’t allow her children to have any food dangerous to my daughter that day, informed her children of the food they couldn’t have while my daughter was there and reviewed everything with me (food, medicines, etc) in detail. She confessed that she was nervous, but we worked together until she was comfortable and then I left my daughter there for an hour. The result of this playdate: my daughter felt so wonderful — she felt independent, “grown up” and happy. The dismissive wave of the hand that she gave me when it was time for me to go comforted me that she felt safe, ready and thrilled to have her first play date without Mom!
PLAY DATE TIP
There are only a few homes where I will leave my child for a playdate without me. Factors that impact this decision include the parents’ understanding, appreciation and the care that they take to make my child safe as well as the environmental factors (or absence of them) in the home itself. Once I am comfortable leaving my child at another person’s home for a playdate, it is imperative that I make the host comfortable and that I ensure my child’s safety. To make the host comfortable, I only let my child eat food that I bring to the house. When packing food, I pack a variety of items and always try to bring enough of everything so that her friends can eat the same food she is eating. Prior to the visit, I talk to my child about what she should do if she has a reaction while at her friend’s house when I’m not there – to let the mother know if she feels itchy or has difficulty breathing. Prior to my leaving the friend’s house, I spend enough time with the parent(s) to review use of the epi-pen, benadryl and her lotions. I also always review her allergies and the food that I have brought for her to eat. After the playdate, I ask my child how the play date went and often congratulate her on taking such good care of herself and her skin.
Kathie Johnson
